The OK Corral has lots of legs. Jack and Kate are in the same gunfight we left them 5 minutes ago, taking cover behind SUVs and picking off Russians with ease, getting missed as they flit about as if Spock had mind melded with them, too. Backup arrives to corral the Russians left standing, but too bad the gun fight caught the eye of Chinese (but not the Brit authorities? Aren’t they watching all those cameras, too?). Evil freelance Chinese with the box skedaddles with Chloe in tow (they like her for her brains, though she tries their patience by trying to sneak a stray cell phone with her). Jack and Kate get there just too late, but Kate finds another cell phone that was on record—they play it back, and Jack hears his former torturer, whom everybody thought was dead. Put that together with the Russians’ ambush that Jack linked to Mark, and the threads of the tapestry start tying themselves up.
Meanwhile PH’s
long day is plodding along. In staff meeting with what appears to be the Joint
Chiefs somehow in London, he sees that the Chinese carrier looks like the San Diego fireworks of a couple years ago.
Jack calls to tell everyone who’s responsible, and just ‘cause it’s Jack they
all believe EFC is still alive. Audrey’s a bit shaken as he tortured her into
catatonia, but she’s alright now, as she tells worried Mark. PH sends the sub
responsible for the ‘splosion to clean up the mess and finally gets a call from
the Chinese premier. Premier isn’t buying the “Ooops” theory, isn’t buying the
dead Chinese renegade theory either. In other words, he’s not looking happy,
and he’s not going off half-cocked, but he’s not saying what he’s up to. Staff
scramble, including Audrey who has a contact who might help convince premier it
was an accident.
Jack calls Audrey
for yet another tender moment. Normal Jack things are gonna happen, and he doesn’t
want her to hate him. She says she could never hate him, and do what has to be
done. Cool! Jack has an open hand and clear conscience. That’s a load off my
mind, worried as I was that with Audrey’s specter hanging over him we were in
for a booring
final episode and a half.
To get this
party started, he stops by to see his old buds PH and Mark. He barges into the
staff meeting without needing to incapacitate any security (booring!),
and hustles PH and Mark into a private room. He uses the ol’ gun-to-the-head
trick again (booring!—this
is what he needed Audrey’s approval for?), this time on Mark, and Mark cops to
(almost) everything—forging PH’s signature, putting the Russians onto Jack, everything
but being a worried, jealous, overprotective, Jack-a-phobe hubby. PH is ready
to arrest him for treason (might as well, ‘cause Jack has other plans, so whatever
PH wants or says doesn’t matter), but Jack thinks the Russian ambassador could
clue them in to where the Chinese are. Sure seems that Mark might as well have mentioned
the worried hubby angle—that might have garnered him some more sympathy.
Jack and Mark
head out on Mark’s 1st field trip, with Kate in tow. Mark’s all worried,
wanting to know what to do when the bullets start flying—Jack deadpans, “Duck.”
They’re going to the ambassador’s house, er, residence. CIA is helping with
figuring out the security, but Mark has to go in 1st because their
files are old. Mark talks his way in, feigning he’s seeking asylum with lots of
top secret post-Snowden intel. And even we don’t know whether he’s lying! So
much the better to pull off a ruse.
We’re
surprised to see the plan works like clockwork (booring!).
Mark gets in to the ambassador, gets asked what he wants, and he says $$$.
Ambassador sneers, saying, “It’s always money.”
But wait! There’s a commotion! There’s a drawer with a gun! We remember
Mark’s in the field for the 1st time ever and nervous. There’s a
tussle for the gun. Jack and Kate are making mincemeat of the security (booring!),
Mark remembers he’s supposed to keep Ambassador occupied, they tussle some more
and crash through a glass door just as Jack and Kate finish mopping the floor with
the goons. Great, another fine mess for Jack (and Kate) to clean up.
Even more so
when they see it was real glass, not the Hollywood stunt glass that shatters
harmlessly. No, this glass stuck a shard in Ambassador’s jugular. Which he is
stupid enough to pull out. Or stupid like a fox so that Jack has no chance to
torture him. And torture used to be such an important part of this show. Kate
looks surprisingly like Mark as they both stand there twiddling their thumbs.
Jack sends Kate to find a towel as Mark is a better twiddler, but it really seems
either an article of clothing would be faster or it doesn’t really matter.
Ambassador lives long enough to say, “You’re not getting anything outta me,
copper” and for Kate to return with the towel.
And Jack’s suddenly
outta angles.
But wait, I
can’t keep all these threads going simultaneously in a blog, so you’ve gotta be
thinking there’s more going on somewhere that’ll give that resourceful Jack hope.
Captive Chloe clocks a couple o’ Chinese while they’re kidnapping her to the
docks for an escape, and she escapes! Except she does it by jumping out of a
moving van going 50 mph and rolling down a forested hill. She doesn’t look to
be in very good shape, mostly or more unconscious, and no one, not even she,
knows where she is.
OK, what
about Audrey and that mysterious Chinese contact? They meet in a spooky park w/
Audrey’s security all around (since when does she rate her own security?). We’ve
learned Chinese premier has jets and battleships on the move (I sure hope those
jets can keep up with the battleships), but no one knows where to. Still they’re
slow enough that some back channel work like what Audrey’s up to could stop
them before WWIII starts for real. Audrey makes her pitch to her pal, who
pauses for dramatic effect before saying, ….
Really, what’s
the point of that pause? Is she really gonna say, “Nope”? Maybe it’s just more
gratuitous suspense. Maybe there’s not enough plot to eat up the entire hour,
so she’s stalling for time. Maybe this is this actor’s only screen time, and
she’s making the most of it.
If you chose door number three, you’re
right. Sniper takes her out. Then takes out both security dudes (seems like a
prudent sniper would take them out 1st). Then Audrey gets a call from a
familiar voice—a chilling EFC, who tells her to cool her heels.
Oh, and for
the record, in case the suspense was killing you, Audrey’s gal pal agreed.
We close out
this hour with Kate and Jack rifling through drawers and computers and Chloe’s
eyes opening. That’s as much hope as there is for the final hour, and the only
question I’m left with is "how come it’s not a 2hr season finale?" 'cause these threads ain't gonna ravel themselves.
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